Ninjas > Pirates

The ninja wisdom

Never scream just before attacking another ninja from behind. This will only alarm the ninja that you are about to do something funky.

Always carry a spare ninja uniform. You never know when you will need to change into something less dirty in mid-battle.

Never store shuriken in your underwear.

Try to use the swords of your enemies whenever possible. This way you can throw them into other bad ninja without having to worry about retrieving it later.

When necessary, the ninja star can be thrown with ninja toes. For example, say you are trying to gain entry into an airborne helicopter. You are using both hands to hold on and you want to plant a shuriken in the eyeball of the pilot, what do you do? Shuriken with ninja feet!

Instead of forging your own calthrops, you can simply use the kids toy "jacks". If you are a evil ninja, you can just steal them from a child, or even a lesser-ninja.

Simple way to tell what time it is without a clock is to call the local phone operator and ask them. Simple, but effective. Don't tell them your name.

When preparing for battle, take some time to do all the hand signs of kuji-in. You will feel better and look cool at the same time.

Always run sideways when possible. With proper application you can run through walls.

When jumping far distances, always roll up into a ball. It will give an extra 50 feet of jumping height.

Want to jump higher? Plant a corn stalk. As it grows each day jump over it. Gradually you will increase your jumping height as the corn grows.

Always use your ninja names when speaking to each other in battle. Don't let sneaky golfers listen in to your conversations and wreck your plans.

Try to fight in mid-air whenever possible.

Try to keep your weapons on display, even in storage. You never know when you will need them to look pretty for a pre-revenge scene.

Wearing black eyeliner is good for blending in with the environments. Especially good for public missions where photo ops may arise. Don't forget to wear your mask.

The ninja facts

Ninja don't sweat.

Bullets can't kill a ninja.

Ninja invented skateboarding

Only a ninja can kill a ninja. Regular humans are useless.

Ninja never wear headbands with the word "ninja" printed on them.

Ninja can breath underwater anytime they want.

Ninja can change clothes in less than 1 second.

Ninja don't smoke, but they do use smoke bombs.

Ninja always land on their feet. If they don't have feet they will land on their nubs.

Ninja invented the internet.

Ninja don't eat or drink very much, and they never have to go to the bathroom.

Ninja always move to America when making a new start as a non-assassin.

Ninja don't play sports. Unless killing is a sport.

Ninja can crush golfballs with 2 fingers, any two fingers.

Ninja have a bad temper when they lose at anything. They will usually cut off the winners head before they have time to gloat.

Ninja lie all the time. Even when the truth serves better, ninja will lie anyway.

Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.